- You'll be late. - We're leaving, Mom.
As I leave....
What kind of pies do you have?
We got apple...
...pecan, cherry...
...key lime.
Which do you recommend?
The key lime's great, but...
...it's an acquired taste.
I ain't had key lime pie in 10 years.
When you had it, did you like it?
No, but I was a completely different person back then.
Let's give that key lime pie a day in court...
...and a big glass of nonfat milk, if you please.
Should I make that two pieces?
No, no, Rosie.
My name's not Rosie, it's Mabel.
Whatever.
Goddamn, this son of a bitch is running hot.
Go on in. I'll check it out.
All right. I'll get a cold one for you.
What the hell is that?
That is a bitch out of hell, son.
Take a run at her, kiddo.
- Miller, Mabel. - Coming up.
That's one sweet piece of meat.
Her name's...
...Mallory.
Mallory, whatever. Who gives a shit? I call it pussy.
Don't stop, darling. I'm just getting started!
I think she's sweet on you!
Are you flirting with me?
Beep, beep.
You want a piece of the guy? Do you?
Your move! Your move, fucker! Go!
This stinking....
You son of a bi--
It's not polite to point.
Because she's mopping the floor with your buddy...
...is no reason for you to join in.
How sexy am I now? Huh?
Flirty boy!
How sexy am I now?
You made my shit list!
Honey! Come on, he's dead.
There is no escaping here!
Who's the lucky one?
Eenie-meenie-minie-moe
Catch a redneck by his toe
If he hollers let him go
Eenie-meenie-minie-moe
My mama told me
To pick the best one
And you are...
...it!
When they ask you, you tell them Mickey and Mallory Knox did it.
Say it!
Mickey and Mallory Knox did it.
Mickey and Mallory Knox.
I love you, Mickey.
I love you, Mallory!
Stars are coming out.
Look up in the brassy sky and there they are, like loony pocket change.
You bet on something you wish you had $ 10,000 to bet on.
Something where the odds are good.
Betting all those stars don 't mean shit....
Whole world's coming to an end, Mal.
That's the angels, Mickey.
They're coming down for us from heaven.
And I see you riding a big red horse.
And you're driving the horses, whipping them...
...and they're spitting and frothing at the mouth.
They're coming right at us.
And I see the future.
There's no death.
Because you and l, we're angels.
That is poetry.
I love you, Mal.
I know you do, baby.
I've loved you since the day we met.
Hi, Dad, how was work?
What work? I'm unemployed.
Where the f* * * have you been?
You look nice, Mallory.
Yuck! You look like....
Thanks, Mom.
I'm going now. I'll be back at midnight, okay?
Are you wearing a broomstick and a trash bag?
Why don't you put some meat on you?
Any lighter, you'll be Miss Ethiopia.
Where do you think you're going?
I'm going to the John Lee Hooker concert with Donna. I told you yesterday.
First off, you don't tell me. You ask my permission.
Second, you're not going out in that dress!
You'll end up peddling your ass, you stupid bitch.
You're not going out at all. You didn't mow the yard.
That piece-of-shit lawn mower is fucked!
That's the way you talk in front of your mother? You stupid bitch!
You watch your language!
Or I'll kick the shit out of you, like I do her!
If your ass is in this house...
...it's my ass.
So move it upstairs and take a shower.
Make sure it's a good shower.
Because I'm coming up after to see how clean you are.
Weren't you a little hard on her, Ed?
I'll show her a little tenderness after I eat.
When I get up there, she won't see my face for an hour.
I think you should speak nicely in front of Kevin.
Don't think. You're a f* * *ing idiot.
What am l, a bad guy?
Did I ever ask you to f* * * my friends?
And don't tell me what to do!
If it wasn't for me, you'd still be slinging hash and fucking your boss!
That must be Donna.
I'll tell her the bad news.
Don't let your macaroni get cold, Ed.
Yes?
Delivery for Ed Wilson.
What on earth is it?
It's beef, lady. Fifty pounds of beef.
Wait right here. I have to have a word with my husband.
Who are you?
Mickey. Who are you?
I'm Mallory.
You ought to change your name to Beautiful.
You a big...
...meat-eater, Mallory?
I could be.
You always dress like that? Or you just...
...waiting for me?
Why would I dress like this for somebody I don't know?
Maybe something inside you told you to.
You know?
Like fate.
Do you believe in fate, Mallory?
Maybe.
You don't look happy.
Wanna go for a ride? Talk about it?
Ed, you promised your doctor no more meat.
I eat what I want. So what?
This f* * *ing food here, you pray after you eat it.
I don't want you to clog up your arteries and keel over at the table.
Don't f* * *ing cry, it turns me off!
I haven't cried in 15 years, and you still haven't touched me!
How about him?
You were drunk and you thought you were in Mallory's room!
That's why we have Kevin.
You mean Mallory's my mom?
I'm sending the meat back! I don't care what you do to me!
- You know what I'll do to you. - Ed, look!
What's it say?
"Out with the meat man. Back before dawn. Love, Mallory. "
That stupid bitch!
Is that your car?
My car?
That meat man cocksucker!
I broke her in, and he grabbed her. I'll fix his ass. Call the cops!
Everything I see, I see you, Mal.
I know, baby. I'm going crazy too.
Even ugliness looks beautiful because of you.
Even though I'm in here, I visit you every night.
Listen, Mickey.
My daddy, he's gonna move us away...
...so that you can't never find me, and I'm scared.
He can't keep me away from you.
He said if you ever show up...
...he's gonna kill you.
Kill me? When's this supposed to happen?
Can I help you?
He won't leave me alone.
He keeps fucking touching me...
...and I can't take it.
I have to go.
If he finds out I'm gone, he's gonna beat me.
I just wanted to tell you I love you and I miss you.
Don't forget about me.
- You won't forget me? - I won't forget about you.
It's cool.
No matter where he takes you...
...Timbuktu, it don't matter, because we're fate.
Nobody can stop fate. Nobody can.
One of these nights soon...
...I'll be coming for you.
I gotta go.
I love you.
Tornado!
You guys get on the goddamn bus! Now!
Stop or I'll shoot!
Break his arm.
There's no action. Am I watching two fags?
Kill him.
Kill the fucking lndian!
Where do you think you're going?
I'm going out!
You ain't going nowhere.
Hey, Jack. Mickey's back.
Just the prick I wanna see.
All right, fuckface.
I'll take your eye out and show it to you.
You been fucking the wrong woman!
"You stupid bitch! You stupid, fucking bitch!
You will shut up!
You will eat your food!
You will listen to me!
Are you clean? Are you soapy and wet?
You stupid...
...bitch! "
He's dead! He's dead!
Now, where's the old bag?
He's dead!
Hi, Mom.
You never did nothing!
Wait!
You're free, Kevin.
Wherever we go...
...or whatever happens, Mickey...
...when I look up at the stars...
...I'll know you're looking up at the same ones.
Same ones, baby.
You make every day feel like kindergarten.
Let's get a whole bunch of stuff, because I need a whole new wardrobe...
...because I'm a new woman now.
I'm a new woman!
She's a new woman!
Past is behind us now.
It's time to grow up.
We have the road to hell in front of us.
Mal?
Yes?
Will you marry me?
Of course I'll marry you.
I've been waiting for you to say that for so long.
Where we gonna get married?
Right here, Mal. This is our church.
I got a perfect thing.
Give me your hand.
That's not what I had in mind.
Fuck you!
Put them together.
It's very romantic, baby.
We'll be living in all the oceans now.
God, before you and this river and this mountain...
...and everything we don't know about...
...Mickey, do you take Mallory to be...
...your lawful wedded wife, to have and hold and treat right until you die?
I do.
Oh, baby.
Do you take Mickey to be your--
Won't murder anybody on our wedding day.
Fuck you!
God!
I do.
For all eternity...
...until you and I die...
...and die and die again.
Till death do us part.
Baby, by the power vested in me...
...as God of my world...
...I pronounce us husband and wife.
After that, there was just no stopping Mickey and Mallory.
They tore up the countryside with a vengeance right out of the Bible.
Tonight I'm standing on Highway 666...
...running through towns like Cortez...
...Shiprock, Sheep Springs and ending in Gallup, New Mexico.
To some, a beautiful stretch of the American landscape...
...but to Mickey and Mallory Knox, who are still at large...
...it is literally a candy lane of murder and mayhem.
Patrolman Gerald Nash...
... was the first of 12 peace officers that Mickey and Mallory murdered...
...during their reign of terror.
Gerald and his partner, Dale Wrigley...
... were parked at this doughnut shop, Alfie's Donuts, when....
This 1970 Dodge Challenger pulled up across the street.
Gerald, only three weeks out of the academy...
... walked out with a coffee...
...and my bear claw.
Driver asked him a question.
Where's Farmington?
Looked like he was giving street directions.
Take it over to 66...
...and Farmington's up, 65 miles. Quick ride.
You going there?
When he finished and waved him thanks...
... then up come that shotgun.
You cop-killing cocksuckers!
In the ensuing chase...
...a tragic murder occurred.
American bronze medalist marathon bicyclist....
I always wanted to take a shot at one. They're not so easy to hit.
We raped and pillaged the first show to do this.
We changed the order so it's less obvious.
It needs a new intro. You can't cannibalize yourself all the time.
Repetition works.
- You'll wind up with shit. - Repetition works.
You think that those nitwits in zombie-land remember anything?
It's junk food for the brains. Filler. Fodder. Whatever.
Just build to the interview.
Keep saying that word, "Live interview with Wayne Gale! "
Anticipation.
That's what it's all about.
Mickey and Mallory?
Hot.
They're hot.
Totally hot.
I love Mickey and Mallory! They're so cool. They're so great!
They're the best thing to happen to mass murder since Manson.
But way cooler.
Take great figures from the States:
Elvis. Jack Kerouac.
James Dean.
They are super cool.
Jim Morrison, Jack Nicholson...
...add a bloody pail of nitrate and you got Mickey and Mallory.
I don 't believe in mass murder...
...or that shit.
Don't get us wrong.
We respect human life and all.
But if I was a mass murderer, I'd be Mickey and Mallory.
I haven't seen a cop for 10 minutes.
Is there such thing as a copless town?
That'd be paradise, wouldn't it? Shangri-la.
Want a hostage?
No.
What about her?
From here?
What about her?
Too heavy? Too fat?
What's the matter?
Do you think I'm still sexy?
We might have to find us a motel here soon.
When I see one that looks nice...
...I'll put my honey-bunny bride down on the bed.
Tie her up.
Wanna go out and get something to eat?
We'll stay in. We got plenty of action here.
Know what I've been thinking about?
Course I know.
You're thinking about rolling around in that sunflower patch...
...outside of Tulsa.
How'd you know?
And you been thinking about cutting your hair short.
And you been thinking about us settling down on a boat...
...in a big lake, with a dog and a jukebox...
...and a 26" Sony Trinitron.
I love it when you can read my mind.
I bet I know what you been thinking about.
I been thinking about why they making all these stupid movies.
Anybody out there in Hollywood believe in kissing anymore?
Love you, baby.
I love your knee.
Love your thigh.
Love your stomach.
Love your finger.
Where is it?
Goddamn it, Mickey!
I just took it off so I wouldn't snag my hair when I washed it.
Okay, baby, look.
Even if that ring pulls out every hair on your head, it stays on.
If it tears out my eyeballs, it never comes off.
Every great thing we do starts with these.
Since you put it that way.
Why are you looking at her?
I'm going for a ride.
Baby, hold on. I thought maybe we could just throw her into the mix.
Shut up! Shut up!
Quit being so fucking cute!
You can be cute by yourself.
Little Mickey, you're so fucking pretty!
You go fuck her.
Maybe I just will!
Fill her up.
- Can I look at that car? - Go ahead.
That'll be 17 bucks, lady.
That's a nice 'Vette.
Wait a second.
Don't I know you?
I don't think so.
Do you want to touch me?
Tell me you want me.
I want you.
Tell me I'm beautiful.
You are beautiful.
Am I beautiful?
So beautiful, I can't stand it.
Am I sexy?
Yes.
You're sexy.
Go down.
Holy shit!
You're Mallory Knox, ain't you?
It's the worst fucking head I ever got in my life!
Next time don't be so fucking eager.
It's called Scagnetti on Scagnetti, in your bookstore.
- Go buy it. - I will.
An author too, huh?
My wife could never wear these.
Now that is a perfect ass.
It's nice.
There's her arm.
Her head.
Dry saliva drops.
See?
That's my type of girl. I like her.
Let's see what we got here, scooter.
Give it up.
Mallory Knox...
...meet Jack Scagnetti.
Exactly where do you expect us to be going?
Where are we supposed to be?
What town is it that's out here?
Fuck, it's the fucking cheese.
Quit looking in the rear view. Sit back.
Put the lighter on the floor. Put it on the floor, Mickey.
Bury the bag.
Would you relax?
Turn left. I think there's a town.
All I see is desert.
That's right, Cochise...
...go eat some more fried bread.
Give me some 'shrooms, Mal.
Mine ain't kicking in yet.
Turn left?
Turn left to what, you stupid bitch?
"You stupid bitch. "
"You stupid bitch"?
"You stupid bitch"!
Mickey, that's what my father used to call me!
Thought you'd be more creative than that.
You're losing it, Mickey! You're losing it!
Snakes and birds. Ain't nothing out here.
I'd go down on a lawman for a gallon of gas.
Let me tell you something. This is the 1990s.
In this day and age, a man has to have choices.
A man has to have variety.
What do you mean, "variety"?
Hostages? You want to fuck some other women now?
Is that what you mean?
Why'd you pick me up?
Why take me out of my house...
...and kill my parents with me? Ain't you committed to me?
Where are we fucking going?
Relax. It's me, your lover...
...not some demon, not your father.
No, you're not my fucking lover! You're not my--
You've been fucking loving me?
You been loving me real true!
Listen...
...we got tobacco, lots of tobacco. You got any gas we can buy?
I don't think he speaks English.
Push comes to shove, we can snatch that donkey and ride out of here.
Come in.
Come on in.
Oh, my God!
Friendly snake?
It's a rattlesnake.
My name is Mallory.
This is Mickey.
How...
...you doing?
We're not from here.
This is like The Twilight Zone.
Is that your wife?
He died?
He was your baby?
Feel the demons here?
I think we're the demons.
Who are you fucking?
- Your father. - Bitch!
I said, shut up!
Come here, pecker-head.
No, don't hit me!
I hate you, you little asshole!
This is so bad! What did you do?
I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it!
Bad, bad, bad!
Get it together now.
It's okay.
We're out of here.
Come on!
Come on, Mal!
Let's go!
Come on!
Why? Why?
What did you do that for?
It was an accident. This whole thing is crazy.
There are no accidents, Mickey!
I'm human, and I made a mistake. You gotta--
You are sick!
You killed life! He fed us!
He took us in there!
That is a harsh indictment. Hold it!
Hold it! Hold!
Leave me alone! I'm going!
No, hang on!
I got bit! I got bit!
Hold on, Mal!
- Hold on there, Mal! - I think there's more!
- Hang on! - Mickey, there's more!
Oh, shit!
They're out there!
There's more!
What have we done? Hop on.
You know something?
Badasses don't die.
I'm seeing things!
It's okay.
Just dreaming.
It's just a dream, Mal.
My name's Pinky.
I remember now.
My brother gave me this name when I was about 6.
He said, "You're as big as my pinky. "
I don't like cheap motels. They give me the creeps.
Yeah, me too.
You a real cop?
Yeah, I'm a real cop.
You won't hurt me?
I've never hurt anybody in my whole life. I'm the law.
I'm your protector.
Come on over here. Come here.
Come on over here. Take off them shoes.
You're pretty.
Step up on the bed.
Real slow.
That's nice. Move around.
Move around for me.
Yeah, like that.
Come on down here.
Real slow.
Give me a kiss.
Give Big Jack a kiss.
Like me?
I like you. Come on, Pinky.
Ever been strangled?
Give me a kiss.
You're pretty.
I said, come on.
This is a sick joke!
I'm just kidding, all right?
Bitch!
Mickey!
I'm coming to get you!
I'm not gonna make it.
I feel so cold.
You're gonna make it. Get mad.
Go get the stuff, then.
All right.
Once they were average citizens living drab, nothing-ever-happens lives.
But then these sweethearts began a cross-country murder spree...
... which has lasted only three terrifying weeks...
...but has left 48 known bodies in its wake...
...including...
...Mallory's own mum and dad.
Oh, shit.
Excuse me.
Aloha?
Chief?
Rattlesnake took a chunk out of us a ways back.
Me and my wife are pretty sick.
Could be dying, you never can tell about these things.
How's about you ungluing your fat ass from that boob tube...
...and getting us some snake juice...
...pronto.
- -depraved and sick actions.
Found it yet?
They stormed in with shotguns...
...and after liberating the place of all the firearms they could carry...
...and various personal idiosyncratic knickknacks...
... they killed every customer...
... without hesitation.
Money! Faster!
But they always leave one clerk alive...
... to tell the tale of Mickey...
...and Mallory.
I'll be damned.
You piece of shit!
Mal! Cops!
I'll meet you out front with the car!
Get the car! I'll get the juice!
No, please!
That's sweet.
- Snake juice? - The back.
We don't carry it! Hospital.
This shit keep you hard?
I'm the only clerk left.
I'm the only clerk left!
- You're forgetting something. - What's that?
If I don't kill you...
...what is there to talk about?
Fucking squealer.
I forgive you, baby.
Fuck you!
You stupid bitch!
Shut the fuck up!
Kill them all!
You bonehead sissy, this is Jack Scagnetti!
Put that gun down.
Fuck you, Scagnetti!
I'll cut her tits off!
Go ahead, Scagnetti!
I'll get her silicone implants!
I swear to God, I'll cut her tits off!
Go ahead! You ain't got the balls!
- Don't give up! He won't do it! - Shut up!
Watch this!
You like that?
- Put that gun down! - Don't cut her!
Put your hands where I can see them and step in the light!
Kill them all!
All right, I'm coming out!
Hands where I can see them. Good boy.
Step out in the light. Come on.
Step outside, big shot.
All right!
Someone come get this bitch. Get this bitch!
Come get the big bad wolf!
Come on!
You're in my light, motherfuckers!
Hold your fire!
Oh, God, my eye!
Hold your fire!
No! Do not kill him!
One camera all you can muster?
You ain't that big a star yet, cocksucker.
- You and me, one on one, let's go. - Fuck you! Bring it!
Fry this cop killer!
How's that, big shot?
Cop killer!
Fuck you!
Hey, Mickey. Want a drink?
- Fuck you! - Just joking.
Where is my baby? Where is she?
Let her go. Let her go.
You okay, baby?
These boots were made for walking
And that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots Are gonna walk all over you
No pictures! No pictures!
Always wanted to meet you, Scagnetti.
I really respect you.
You know what? I even bought your book.
I read the whole damn thing. How about an autograph?
Warden...
...Jack Scagnetti.
Dwight McClusky. Welcome to hell.
Great to meet you, warden.
How are my two favorite assholes?
We got them two in there. Wanna see them?
- Why not? - Come on.
I seen you on TV. I even read your goddamn book. I'm impressed.
Surprised Hollywood ain't found you.
Your story would be a better movie than Serpico.
In all of my days in the penal business--
And that ain't no small amount, right?
Mickey and Mallory are the most twisted, depraved fucks...
...I have ever laid my damn eyes on.
These two motherfuckers are a walking reminder...
...of how fucked up the system is.
Don't get me started, okay, warden?
Dwight.
You call me Dwight.
They killed inmates and guards?
Three inmates, five guards and one shrink. Open that damn gate.
Psychiatrist?
Mallory strangled him when he made the mistake of asking about her parents.
She done it shot up on tranquilizers.
Ain't love grand?
Ain't that the truth? It's like that other big lie:
"Love makes the world go around. "
How did you get to be a specialist in psychos?
I'd recommend having your mother killed by one.
After that, I developed a keen interest.
- What happened? - I was born in Texas.
- You don't have an accent. - I don't want to talk like those asses.
- My mother was from Texas. - I mean the other asses.
The ones who beat me up. Anyway, when I was 8 years old...
...my mother took me to the park. It was the same day Charles Whitman...
...climbed the University of Texas Tower and started shooting.
- You was with her? - Sure was.
I didn't hear any of the shots.
I'm with my mother and suddenly...
...chest explodes. She falls, and I'm just looking at her.
Her arm flies off, her hip explodes.
And I'm not hearing any of the shots.
Boom! Her chest exploded.
I was lying on the grass being eaten alive by ants, thinking:
"What happened to my mom?"
Since then, I've had a strong opinion...
...about the psychopathic fringe that thrives in this fast-food culture.
I don't show the self-discipline becoming of a peace officer.
You got it right, Jack. You don't mind if I call you Jack?
We got an army of shrinks. Talks about mania...
...and schizophrenia and multi-phrenia and obsessions.
And it makes me sick.